xn...

2011-08-30T21:14:00.002+08:00

CHANGE

you would probably see quotes like.. "change is constant, nothing stays the same" or things like that. I would say that is true. BECAUSE.. i am Packing my room, and i will update more often next time. (i always say i will but ended up otherwise)

Sorry friends, i will be hibernate for a month or two. There are many reasons to it, i will join u all back in few months time, unless there is something very important going on.

2011-07-17T11:26:00.002+08:00

trying out the suggestion/its something what i used to do

Don't know where to start from but either way, i feel like just rot in my bed, especially when i am sick, 3rd day already and i am still having diarrhea this morning.

I don't want to do anything today, i don't feel like touching my phone today.

Just pretty upset again, i am an useless guy, i am not rich, nor i am capable of giving anything.

Even the most basic thing, such as happiness, i am not able to.

sometimes i thought, so what if i am a NUS chem eng student in 2 years time?

it would probably mean nothing.

No doubt i am happy. But i am sad, it is that contradictory.

As much as i want to hold on, there are still moments i feel like letting go, given my character.

I always expect results which are close to perfection, but on the way, once i realised things are not going my way, i will have the tendency to give up.

Not gonna say more, probably just play games for the whole day.

2011-07-10T11:06:00.003+08:00

So long

Its been so long since i last blogged! I am super busy!

Busy with an old game, busy going out with friends, busy at work (have to OT sometimes, not very long tho).

I look noob without all those fanciful equipments but i kill all those PRO looking characters!

will update soon whenever i can, but i think only a few people are reading alr.

but i scared i will forget about things one day, and its nice to have a place to look tru all the past event and reminisce.

and with twitter, i am totally neglecting this blog!

2011-05-16T01:50:00.002+08:00

rest in peace
There are so many things i wanna blog about but not gonna do it today.

I know you probably wont see this, but a short msg for you?
Shocking to know the news. i hope you have found ur release if that's what ure looking for. I remenbered how we started talking and so on, tho its been so so long since i last talked to you online. i hope you will be happier at the faraway land. rest in peace.

2011-04-16T16:47:00.003+08:00

Starting to miss my hair
I said i like my botak hair style, but the thing is that without hair, its difficult to wear clothes, nice clothes look suck on me, especially collared ones.
without hair, i look alot skinnier too.

This was after bleaching which i tot it looks ok but a little too beng and i wont dare to go outiwth this colour. or rather, not don dare, but too too striking already. HAHA!

This was first day after i dyed look a little blueish grey, i like it alot! HAHAHAHA

then it started to fad and more and more blue shade is gone and blonde base start coming out which explains the gry and a little yellowish shade. THE DAY BEFORE I SHAVED!

On the day i shave my hair, i was closing my eye so tightly as i am afraid i will look freaking ugly without hair, and i didint realise the barber was doing something funny. he did this.
the conversation went like this
"actually i am rahter scared of opening my eyes"
"its nice you should see it!"
and ta da~

And of cuz, which such an hairstyle of cuz must pose with a xialan face.
"WANNA FIGHT AH?"

ok la, i got things i wanna update with initially, but think of it again, i guess i don't wanna say much also.
i have faith in us. =)

2011-04-09T17:15:00.003+08:00

It's Saturday!!!
OMG! ITS FINALLY SATURDAY!! i love weekends! But the bad thing is, other than resting and rotting i still have not found something that i would be able to spend my time wisely and not just wasting them off. I realised, if i were to slack this 2 years off, that will be meaningless cuz 2 years of my lifespan is kind of just erased off if i dont do something meaningful.

This morning, i was thinking about the future again. Planning what to do, and in the future, how i want my life to be. I am pretty determined that i will want to lead a good life. Being able to provide my wife & my family what they want, out of the proverty circle. Probably, its too serious to have used that word, but oh well.. my family is not well off, slightly closer to those that may have difficulties on daily necessities, though not yet. I want my children to have a good life, it's ok if my wife and my children are a little spoilt, just make sure that they are still have values and manners then i think thats perfectly ok. =P

I think i am thinking so so far. something that will only happen at least 8-10 years later from now. HEHE!

Anyway i will end off the post with this photo. This is an evidence of my chinese standard dropping. I forgot how to write iron in chinese, therefore, drawing a iron that is damn fail. I don't know, some may even think that it's a shoe? LOL!

Thanks Mom! =D

2011-04-08T21:57:00.002+08:00

trust
its all about trust. i gave it all, and i just hope i am not stupid for doing so.

2011-04-04T19:01:00.004+08:00

Awesome
Was quite excited when i woke up! I had a great day! <3
everything seems so nice, even the expressway! Quality time spent =D

A random shot, but pretty right? haha!

&omg, within an hour or so, i will be BOTAK! Interested to know how i look like?
ehhh... i will see if i wanna upload, depending on my mood. =P

2011-04-02T21:27:00.002+08:00

I am happy, just that i am feeling a little vexed right now
Actually the title is what i wanted to say already, not much details also. I am just feeling vexed, about almost everything, especially the 2 years. My mom was nagging about something, and i just said " i am very vexed don't come and kp so much already" for three fucking times. It really shows, that i am fucking vexed inside, and its been there. Just that i don show it and suppress it doesnt means its not there. This is something i will only write here and not anywhere else, not even @ the 140 characters.

That's all i wanna say for today, i am not unhappy, in fact i am happy. But at the same time, i am feeling vexed as well. There are so many things that are troubling me right now, i just don wish to talk about it.

2011-03-31T18:36:00.002+08:00

COUNTING DOWN... 4 MORE DAYS

It's really so so so so so so FAST! FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY.

Wanted to upload some photos the other day but the uploader refuse to work. Now, i am too lazy to, probably becasue whatever photos that are uploaded here will be kind of repetitive of what i upload to facebook, HAHA!

AND THE COLOUR OF MY HAIR IS DROPPING LIKE MAD EVERYDAY! HAHAHA!

2011-03-23T20:38:00.003+08:00

It's really been quite a while.

I don't wish to talk to anyone, and i really mean anyone. i will just write here.

I don't know how to say, but i am just feeling so fucked up.

I want to say something, but. fuck.

In the end, i still chose to keep everything to myself, feel so.. i donno.

i really hope i can cheer up soon.

2011-03-22T21:51:00.005+08:00

Shocking? Too sudden? FML? time to accept and move on

To round up today, only one word can describe : EPIC

After work today, i recieved a call from CMPB informing that i am going to enlist in 2 weeks time.

And when i asked about my PES status, they told me a alphabet that i don't wish to hear. The feeling kind of sucks, because i have always wanted to be a normal army boy, like going tekong like everyone else, experience the so many things that i heard about. But now, i know i need to move on. I know that even if i request for up pes, it will still be at most C, but i guess, i would just stick on to this PES E9, like one more lower, its PES F. I feel like that i am physically fit, and healthy. Probably they just want to be careful with everything, i remembered last year, i got a PES B but i donno why i am getting an E now. Both the check ups are after my lung surgery, so i kind of don't get why.

Think of all the bunch of jokers that i will be missing, i wont be able to experience throwing of grenades handle firearms and so on. On top of that, i got reminded of my cousins' weddings, there are always a bunch of NS brothers that they had, like super cool and fun. Not sure whether the people i meet there would be nice, shld be nice, but probably not as joker as those i have seen.

since there is only 2 weeks left, i am going to have all the fun i can have when i still have my hair. And of cuz, thank you for being there.

Here's a mini preview, after first round of bleaching, tml will be more epic. =D

2011-03-17T21:28:00.004+08:00

I am a LAZY BOY

The title explains it all, &this is a Printscreen of my desktop.

I am afraid that its not noticeable, which is why i kinda magnify that portion which i am going to talk about today! That "To do list" which was written on sunday night. Those are what i planned to do for the free time i have for this week. But guess what? I think its gonna stay there for another week or so.

Okay! Maybe I shall not be so lazy and start clearing the to do list..

Seriously, i don't know what i have been doing since i am now a JOBLESS BOY! emo much? D= HAHA! Maybe for Monday and Tuesday, i worked part time, so.. its not really counted. I slacked the whole day for Wednesday,but i think i kind of deserved it since i worked Monday and Tuesday, right? i think so! =P

Today, was even worse than yesterday! Which sucked! i slept the whole morning and afternoon away, other than waking up to eat and slack awhile.

This is getting boring, my boring life. Which made me kind of miss the weird but cute girls and maybe the lecturers with weird preferences at my workplace. But i am still glad that i left that place as i really couldn't stand that bloody bitch. HAHA=D

Ever since i got Twitter, i have been neglecting this poor blog. Actually i don't tweet a lot also. oh well...

I think this blog will be revived, as i am now a very free person, i can blog as and when i like if i manage to find things that are not boring to update about. I will still update even though the readers are very little! But i got a feeling that this blog will be more interesting in the future, and probably will be the place that i will post some photos which i take(hopefully interesting) as a very amateur photographer. As i am still figuring out with my new toy and still got a lot to learn =)

Alright, think that's all for today. =D

2011-03-16T13:51:00.006+08:00

Which of them do you think you are?

I went to both NTU and NUS open house, and what did i gain from them? P-OH-S [Post-Open house-Syndrome]

Its been 10 days or so since i got my results, and i still don't know what to apply.

No matter what i apply, there is only slight chance in getting that course, or at least for those that i interested in. In fact only 2.

Its like choosing between interest and reality, both are not that bad actually. But still, can't decide on what i wanna apply.

And, one thing that i kept thinking when i was having P-OH-S is to think about the future, i know its still rather long before it comes, but i mean, What if next time i am not able to provide me or my family with what i/they want. I don't want my kids to experience what i did when i was young, or even now. So, i think that will be my motivation, no matter which course i take next time.

I will be optimistic, My life will be great in the future.

Perhaps, i may be the emo bear now, but i will eventually work towards to become the proud Linus.

2011-03-13T00:04:00.002+08:00

i think its pic quality is good la, not the camera's fault, the user loser. HAHA

2011-03-10T14:20:00.001+08:00

pretty happy. =D

2011-03-10T02:22:00.005+08:00

HAHA! i am just going to update this blog for the fun of it. probably, no one is reading it now, or maybe a few close friends or random people would still pop by just to see if there are any random updates.

AH HA! IF YOU BELONG TO THE SECOND GROUP THAT I MENTIONED! CONGRATS, U ARE SO LUCKY TODAY! ok this is lame but i cant help it.

Its been more than a month since i last updated. I was working and working and trying to leave myself as little free time as possible so that i would not think of any other thing, like A level results etc.

Been restricting myself to only work and waiting for results and NS. yes, "i only love money" quoted from the previous post, that was a lie, people who really know and understand me would probably guessed that i am trying to get that mindset into my brain. But guess what? it failed terribly=/.

Last friday was results day, i would say, not a bad day at all but not very fantastic either. But i know that i was happy on that day maybe few hours right after the release because some other negative thought have not been registered in my brain as i told myself that i will be satisfied with my results no matter what. probably i still have some regrets, but oh well, like what i have tweeted, i am kind of satisfied. Almost a week has passed and i have not even read up or even log in to see how the application is like, i just leave it there like i have not taken my results.

Its a tough decision to made, isnt it? i mean it does affect your future to a certain extent. Although there are also peopl who says, it doesnt really matter as its just a piece of paper and what is printed on it doesnt matter but you got to get that piece of paper.

But that again, it is not very true, it only applies when you find a job that is more "general" and that is not very specialised in certain area.

That aside, i have been very happy for the past 2-3 weeks, decided to quit the job too.

i hope this will continue for as long as possible, until the day that everything starts to become like what it was in the past, but i hope that day will never come?

oh ya! i think i may update this blog more often as i am a jobless guy now and got too much time to spare. =P

2011-02-07T02:19:00.003+08:00

on the verge of deactivating facebook. impulse.
i already kind of said bye to msn, facebook and twitter next. followed by handphone.
Been rather unhappy as usual.
i am sure, with me or not, doesnt make a difference.

conclusion: i only love money.

2011-01-30T14:16:00.002+08:00

The last day of my teenage life
It is pretty interesting that i am writing about this. But, oh well.. i still think that this is the most comfortable place for me to write as most of the people don't read this blog anymore, probably none of my JC friends are reading or know of this blog.

Yes, The day started at 0000. And i was already feeling kind of.. down? empty? I don't know how to describe it but, its not something good.
Started thinking about all that have happened ever since secondary school started. those were the days when we had the most interesting stuff to do and have fun. But that again, there are also things that i said or did that still makes me feel so ashamed when i think of it again.
That is the place where i meet all these nice people, though i am no longer close to them, i don even think some remember my existence.
2/4 people, Family gang are really nice people. I think i rarely meet up of 24 ppl anymore? but nevermind. At that point of time, i felt really nice to have all these friends.
Family gang, all those crazy cycling trips and all kinds of nonsense that we did are memorable and i do smile when i think of it at times.

I really appreciate what god has given me, the few moments of happiness, though he only gave me in small quantities.

During my JC life, life sucks, but still, i met some nice people as well, 3 years.. 1 year more than other people? But still, due to my lack of intelligence, i won't do well also. joke huh?

Yesterday, went out, and happen to said something that makes myself feel kind down and empty, which explains why i am feeling that way since the very start of 30 Jan.
Sometimes, you can't help it, there are so many regrets in life. And some regrets are those that you simply can do nothing about it. Why? because its beyond your control, it doesnt matter how hard you tried, or how much you have put in or whatsoever. Yea, today marks the end of my teenage life, i am no longer in a school or what, i have not done all the sweet things that is at the back of my mind for a girl that i wished i could, 2 or 3 years later, things starts to get so complicated, reality will really step in. I must say, i have so many things that i wish that i can do, yea i maybe boring, really boring which is probably why no girls will seem to like a guy like me. =D That again, i have been restricting myself to like someone ever again, because of whatever excuse i gave to myself, such as A Levels, Army, etc.
Perhaps, i am just a pussy, i mean, probably i am kind of afraid of what i will get in return. I don't want to face it. If a broken heart can be measured by how broken it is, mine would be the finest powder i ever seen.

I can't fall asleep this morning thinking about all the things, all the regrets, all the stupid things i have done. And at the same time, i would like to say sorry to many.

Waking up with excitement surprisingly. But this didnt last long either, the next moment i wished that i can just continue sleeping and never wake up. i just feel like laying on my bed. or just vanish?

Alot of mixed emotions. I can't describe it fully either, and these are just some of my thoughts.

trying doesn't matter when you fail all the time

2011-01-23T18:35:00.002+08:00

而有些人是注定得不到幸福，
被痛苦纠缠着，甩也甩不开。
不管付出多少，都没用。

2011-01-22T21:10:00.004+08:00

I think its really quite nice to laugh at sometimes.
Being worthless. Recently, i have the feeling of staying away from the crowd and just live in my own world.

也许算有点迟钝，活了将近 20年我才发现。若我的人生是一场电影，不管在哪里，我扮演的角色好像都是个配角。或者我应该说，临时演员? 而我也只能自我灌输那我很快乐的心情。也可能是因为我不想承认吧。

I am feeling a bit down, again, probably due to my eye? its been.. weird for the past few days. yup. the area near the eyes are swollen as well. i don't know.
This is only the start of the year, and i m feeling so sian because of the fuck up feelings that i got. the feeling of not celebrating my birthday, as i feel its not that important afterall.
Imagine you are feeling so fuck up alr, celebrating birthday is just like celebrating the day when all of these agony started? i think i need to cool down and think. one day, i may regret saying all these.

2011-01-09T16:02:00.003+08:00

This was wat i did during my off day -__-
and conclusion, i suck. ALL FAIL. can't get wat i wanted, and i don have a proper backdrop.

Epic,

so now.. mario is suntanning on the bamboo pole. =X

2011-01-07T06:47:00.002+08:00

I never thought that there will be a day that i have to work so hard just to get a few dollars.
I worked at 2 places on wednesday, and it will be the same for today.
So i will be working from 9am till 5pm then 6pm to 12 mn.
cool rite? 14 hours today. that day was 13 hours, so i leveled up! =D

Don't be surprise if i were to work for 15/ 18 hours a day.
Not that i am in need of money that badly but i don't know why, it feels like there's a need for me to work, to get both my needs and wants.

2011-01-06T20:35:00.005+08:00

This sucks, no money. everything suck, everything also cannot do.

If that's your intention from the start, then don't tell me the other way round.
And when you accidentally exposed your thoughts, i am the one that is feeling sucky.
It's always been like that, not that i want to dig out the matter 3 years ago, the decision between poly and jc. It's almost the same. you said one thing, and expect the other.
then fuck my life, then wat? if that's the case, i need to find 2 jobs and work from 7am to 11pm.

It's influencing me. Because, now all i think of is money, everything else seems to be not genuine. It's the most genuine and realistic thing to have.
That's life, that's reality.

Not that i am not willing to suffer, it's really that i can't find a job, or rather a proper one. Now i have one, its alright, fun working environment, people are nice, its not really busy.
But to travel so far to work for 5-7 hours per day, and only for 2-4 days per week, it's stupid.
Pay minus Cost wise its already not working out. Earning $300++ per month( not excluding daily meals and stuffs) .

Not to even mention about everything else, like the things on my wish list, going out. It is really pathetic. How about CNY clothing. Maybe, this is the first fucking year that i am not going to have CNY clothes because i don't have much money to buy and the fact that i am not going to request it from my parents either.

Maybe. How about not celebrating my birthday as well?

I am starting to think about what's going to happen if i can't get into university due to my shit results. Then it will be worse than hell.

Hey, someone from up there, not that i am blaming you or saying you are not good or whatsoever. But can i request from you that what i want now is a result slip to get me into any engineering or any useful course in NUS or NTU. You've been not treating me well. Since the start of 2010. Can you please please make that happen?

Fuck life! bitch.

2011-01-06T16:34:00.001+08:00

i think i need to find a new job soon

2011-01-02T02:26:00.002+08:00

happy new year!

yea, supposed to be, at least the whole of new yr's day and evening of new year eve was happy
forcing myself to stay away from negative thoughts, but i guess its difficult.

i started 2010 with the thought of it as being a bad year, before it even comes, i had already labeled it as a bad year. but it wasnt that bad afterall.

now, i want to tell myself, 2011 is going to be good. yea right, there's NS coming up, there are lonely birthday, cny, vday, xmas & new yr eve.
i think i am crazy, i am here saying all these as though i am damn emo to not have a gf but i don't want to have one yet. wts

2010-12-30T15:59:00.002+08:00

ha! some things seem so real, but they are not. i may be faking through, faking ignorance.
i've seen quite a lot, don think that's gonna fool me because i am not falling for it.
Although sometimes, its still a little heartbreaking, but as you grow older, your sensitivity to these drops.

2010-12-28T17:40:00.003+08:00

maybe, i don't have the ability to like somebody, and the reverse is somewhat similar.
i am sorry.

i believe that everything is predestined.

2010-12-27T18:39:00.001+08:00

i believe that money is the most genuine thing ever.

2010-12-25T13:12:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas,
I don't believe in santa anymore, i have lost the christmas-y feel since long time ago.
Nevertheless, christmas eve was fun.=D
It will be new year with FG and 09 soon =)

It's also time to start thinking of new year resolutions for 2011.
I don't believe in dreams, i don't believe in ____. But i hope to revive that when i get into university.
I believe that in reality, nothing is worth believing.

I want to get rich in the future, although its not everything, but at least it's something!

I hope i can get into university and an A for maths, everything else, its alright so as long as its able to get me into university.

2010-12-20T23:46:00.001+08:00

我們都怕痛但又好想試著牽手
兩顆心隱藏在背後不敢承諾
不想再難過丟棄回憶重新來過
讓我永遠牽著妳把手給我

2010-12-19T07:17:00.002+08:00

maybe its just excuse, to say that i dont believe in it as i feel this way most of the time.
next time i will still find myself feeling this way, maybe its character, maybe something else.

earlier this year, my excuse was alevel, what now?

2010-12-16T17:08:00.001+08:00

nuah more nuah more. LOL!

2010-12-15T02:15:00.002+08:00

so far, holidays is super fun, the days that i wasnt out are perfect nuah-ing days.
happy happy. =D

2010-12-14T14:50:00.002+08:00

我会想要对我的朋友们好，
所以我因此而不好。

2010-12-12T15:24:00.001+08:00

maybe one day i will disappear.

2010-12-12T14:49:00.003+08:00

i have the tendency to hide or rather to prevent myself from getting those unwanted feelings.this act of prevention usually happens after i have suffered from that particular incident.
thus, i draw myself back once i feel that its not right, and not to get close to it anymore.
the older i grow, the less intense my feelings are.
For that i would admit that. As much as i am trying to be true, i am still trying and i donno what is stopping me. i have no control over that.

2010-12-09T02:17:00.000+08:00

我不能那么自私。坚决。

2010-12-02T00:45:00.003+08:00

i heard this song at a pub last friday. thought it was nice,
but just that i cant find the old MV that i saw that day.
现实的翅膀撩乱原本幸福的气氛。

2010-11-30T19:36:00.004+08:00

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
我只能说，我还是把你当朋友

2010-11-30T01:21:00.003+08:00

3 years just like that.
i probably will regret not putting in my very best for today's paper. but seriously, i really couldnt care more. but what's the use for saying all these anyway. to make me feel better? or maybe to you, it may just be another excuse for my lousy results that i will be recieving next yr.

i suddenly feel so lost. i mean i dont know what to do.

finally, all these shit ended. finally i can leave YJC. it sucks totally. i dont know why am i saying this. but probably due to all the shit that i have encountered in this 3 years.
nevertheless, i still cherish the happy times i had in there, some frens that i have made. i mean, all the frens, but especially those that i m closer with. 106 205 209. i have become a quieter person i think. more reserved. maybe i don talk to them as much alr, but i still glad that i knew them. yes, you may think that i m talking rubbish as i still talk cock and noisy all the time. but really, quiet to a certain extent.

maybe i may disappear or MIA or watever. i don't know.
maybe i just want to stay in my own world.

i am not being emo, but i sometimes feel like to be just alone. but my character don allow me to. sigh.

i think i have lost trust in it already, since long time ago.

2010-11-20T22:54:00.003+08:00

harry potter was rather alright, haha! watched it yesterday night and its kinda entertaining for us, and probably we are the nosiest also.
especially when maggie mee comes out. LOL! after the movie, i pulled out the wand! LOL!

Every saturday is a Nuah Day, regardless of is it during study break or in the midst of exam.
Everything is coming to an end. YAY. its holiday already, just that i still got 3 more papers to go. anyhow la, doubt will do very well also, just hope its good enough for me to enter university, if cannot, uniSIM lor LOL!

2010-11-17T12:41:00.002+08:00

我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人又读了这么多
有考的又不懂我早应该割舍

我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
努力是热的全都是假的
只有成绩是真的

2010-11-16T22:31:00.003+08:00

fuck care liao, just came back from pool.

i just want to finish this fucked up shit asap. damn it, wasted 3 yrs of my life studying for a paper that is.. so weird. even i study 30 yrs also may not know how to do.

_l_
it feels worse than the period before recieving promos result in J1.

And perhaps, high expectation has led me to self-destruction. When the thought of getting only As and Bs for PCME is gone, i don't feel like continuing anymore.
Not the time to give up as i have not sat for physics and econs. But its definately quite emotional, to start with i dont think that is a very high aim that is unachievable. 2 more subjects and i am done with this shit.
Trying to convince myself that the final results is very unpredictable,thus giving myself a bit of hope which will serve as my motivation. However, its a little meaningless, i know it myself, more or less, my chemistry is a goner.

2010-11-14T18:58:00.001+08:00

2010-11-11T18:19:00.005+08:00

人生充满着各式各样的考验。可是这些都是在考验我们对抗人的七宗罪的极限。这极限随着人们的经历不断的改变。是否能把那极限扩大，靠的是不断的自我反省。

傲慢、妒忌、暴怒、懒惰、贪婪、贪食及色欲。

这牵连着我们对所发生的事的反应，以及挑战自己是否能"放下"的能力。
放下。乍看之下，这两个字也没什么。可他所包含的，超值于我们的想象。

每个人都会犯错，而每有人是十全十美的。可是只有不断的自我反省我们才能成为更好的人。

当你决定放下时，才能感受到世界的美好。
而当你以放下时，你一定会感到好像从那某种罪孽得到解脱。

Oh ya! Today's Singles' Day, Happy Singles' Day! =D

2010-11-09T11:01:00.003+08:00

IN 3 FREAKING HOURS! i will be taking the first paper alr!
Of cuz, neeed to relax a bit so that i will not be too stressed up when i enter the examination hall! sooo.. i mapled -_____-

i will be free in 2 and half weeks time~ all this bloody rubbish is going to end soon
and until next yr results day then see how liao.
Hope that i can enter NTU/NUS/SMU =)

WHEEE~ self reminder: don't let one paper affect another! It's ok one, just chiong!

2010-11-05T15:36:00.001+08:00

three more fucking days, faster come faster go!
SIAN week because don't feel like revising anymore, altho there are still things need to be revised. CANT WAIT FOR IT TO END!

2010-11-01T00:20:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, truth may be what you want to know, but not what you want to hear. Since now i know the truth, there's no point thinking about it.
Its ok, the most, the worse could happen is to be back to the state it was.
Freezing back, just a little bit more effort, the molecules are not that far apart. Since most of the energy supplied is used to overcome the imf, LOL! study too much alr. But i think thats roughly what i want to say. But it will most likely remain like that for a long time cuz this time, the imf grew stronger.

2010-10-29T22:54:00.003+08:00

nothing much, i just want to say thanks to those who understands me. or rather,those who thinks that i am actually not a very bad guy? haha.
perhaps i am a guy that is nice to my friends.. friendly towards people that are also friendly to me =)

its impossible to please everyone. so, don bother.

After A levels i am so going to meet up with those bunch of people that i appreciate alot.

2010-10-28T15:02:00.003+08:00

Maybe I am a little stressed. Fear of not doing well, not well enough to even enter the unpopular courses. Three years..
Fever, sore throat, flu. Shit condition. But I can't rest too much. Because, I think I am nt good enough to get good results. I need to study more.
I hope I am a more optimistic person.

2010-10-25T23:06:00.002+08:00

FLU VIRUS IS SUCH A FUCKING BITCH. i want to recover asap, even if i have to overdose. zzz

2010-10-24T23:39:00.003+08:00

Spoil my mood, spoil my day, and spoil my holiday.
I am still thinking, because i really feel like going. But most likely, i will not go. And. its kind of irresponsible.

Irritated. By using this word, i'm already being very nice. People around me would know that i cant stand it. once i get irritated, i will lose my temper, perhaps i will try to be less agitated when the other party is a female.

Its really not about what's so bad about some things. But the existence.

2010-10-20T17:11:00.001+08:00

A level is a waste of time.

2010-10-15T21:25:00.004+08:00

Sorry, i am just an arrogant asshole.

I thought i could relieve some stress by singing, but it got worse, maybe. I thought everything was fine, but i guess its not. I couldn't control my anger, i couldn't control my emotions. Sorry.

I feel like shutting myself away from everyone else for the time being, as i don't know if i had showed some attitude towards others.

Any small little thing seems like humiliation.

Things that you like, you may not be good at it.
I will stop doing things that i am not good, i am just a loser who can't accept what i am.

I really miss Family gang and the rest, but all of us have grown up already.
It's been so long, so long. Not the meet up. But that feeling that is kind of lost.

I need some cooling down. I just want to be alone. That again, i guess i have always been alone anyway.

2010-10-14T19:57:00.004+08:00

i can't go on like this, the whole afternoon, its like i lost my soul somewhere.
think nothing and concentrate. where did that ability go to? FREEZE!
FREEZE MORE AND FREEZE FAST!

i need more productivity.

2010-10-14T00:25:00.001+08:00

like mummy~

LOL! actually its not that serious, but the bandage exaggerate the condition.
its just got the sprained feeling.

I don't like my body. whenever i draw blood, i got the dizzy feeling. zzz
which means i cant donate blood, as much as i want to.

2010-10-13T01:16:00.000+08:00

Swimming, bball, study, rot. in random order.
That's my life for the past few days, and it will be like tat for 7 more weeks, and most likely, minus the bball and swimming as it gets nearer to A's.

After As, there's work (money equivalent), camp ,outings, community work.

studied at mac, and heard this kinda old song. and now its stuck in my head.

2010-10-09T12:39:00.007+08:00

Finally, there's no more lesson!
But its time to chiong like donno what alrdy. i gonna try my best so that i won't regret.
i've got used to it already anw.

Sometimes, you can just do nothing about it although you may know where the problems lies in. So, worth trying? It's a definite yes. No matter what the results may be, you got to keep trying.

I must keep those promises i made to myself earlier this year.

是什麼在反覆著让回忆都翻起了你是遥远的我是孤独的我只好假装我已不爱了催眠自己我们不适合我放开你了我已不爱了

2010-10-09T02:53:00.002+08:00

graduated from YJC, finally. It was kinda fun knowing the class.
After the graduation ceremony, was class outing. It was fun too!
thank you 209 and those new frens i have met in yj for making J3 interesting and fun.
and thank you.

2010-10-07T20:05:00.001+08:00

你的微笑有时是我的氧气.

2010-10-07T15:08:00.001+08:00

没关系，闭上眼就过了。再闭上眼，就完了。

2010-10-04T00:43:00.001+08:00

这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

2010-10-02T10:50:00.004+08:00

i will try to work as hard as possible until A's. If i really cant don't know how to do the papers few weeks later, then too bad, no point worrying about cant get in to uni or anything. i feel that i am getting more stupid by the days. I used to not study and be able to get 60plus% or more, now i m starting to study, the assignment/a lvl papers i did recently, only scored 50plus%.
WHAT HAPPENED. so many things i still don't know. die.

to those few ppl who are reading, pls don ask me out for the next 2 mths.

2010-09-27T21:26:00.001+08:00

heartbreaking.

2010-09-26T23:21:00.002+08:00

It's part of character, and its so difficult to change.
It's just not my way, and i can try to be as close as possible but i wont be one.

Last 40 days, i have attended 3 years of boring lessons just for this piece of shit. And it's important. Actually, i am very scared of not doing well, not being able to get a place in the university even for the least popular course. The funny thing is, i had 2 years in year 2, yet i am not able to get very impressive results, i roughly know a bit of everything. Perhaps, is that i am always satisfied with that level of understanding with minimal studying to either scrape through or slightly better.

Did nothing today. Sucks.

I don't know what i am thinking.

2010-09-24T06:11:00.003+08:00

Probably the first time, a nightmare is so stressful.
i just dreamt about school life with my current classmates or rather, a mixture of people whom i know from jc. The dream was really really long.
to summarise everything, in the dream i am a loser la.

i rmb trying to help the drink stall uncle, but end up (i forgot how) toppled the whole fridge.
i was doing research for PW! and my reasearch material is so nonsensical, its about marriage, a monk in a marriage or sth. obviously, i was screwed by groupmates in front of my "eyecandy".
i saw my chem teacher conducting pcct lesson, asking a question which include keywords, asking us to write it down on paper, then i wrote something that is incorrect(according to what is being taught in gp, wat qn dissection or wat). then he said something about giving me 8 out of 30 for content. -.-
somehow or rather, it became a lecture, and humiliation by the lecturer continues. saying things like " don be like that boy over there, pls get your basics right before coming, " THEN PRINCIPAL APPEARED, continue to screw me.
and guess what. i cried until i woke up, with deep connecting feeling on the dream.

2010-09-21T22:15:00.001+08:00

2010-09-19T15:31:00.004+08:00

This song is stuck to my head ever since i heard it at KOI.

Studied outside! It was a very terrifying place that we studied at; i was traumatized. There were 4 lizards, and we saw the real pray-predator in action. Just when someone was asking what prays on lizards, a few moments later. The bigger lizard bit the smaller one on the tail. $#@%^#%$^ There's still goosebumps on me when i was typing this.
7 more weeks to alvl week. Lucky Seven =)

btw, I FOUND IT! heh heh!

2010-09-15T18:54:00.001+08:00

ok i am damn scared right now, my chest feel congested and when i take a deep breath its a bit uncomfortable. nth will happen, no sports from now till alvl. Shit sia, if army like that how. zzzzzz

2010-09-12T01:07:00.003+08:00

omg omg omg, its 58 days?!?! LOL!
i think this happens to many ppl, usually you will try to say like ok. i 3pm start, nice timing, then when u see the clock, its 305, then u say, nvm. a while more, 5pm. and it continues.
wanted to find nice day like 60. but now like a bit overshot. zzzzz
nvm either way i will start to be more agressive on my revision from tml onwards!

this few days been around with people older than me, some are on uni internship, afew NTU a few NUS... senior i shld put it this way i guess. yr2 yr4, talk to them abit..
they kinda shared with me some things la.. like that ATs, and their take on certain things.
So, i guess, working at such a period.. though it seems inappropriate, but it kind of made me more determined on doing well, after hearing more sharings from different people from different places. haha! i feel so young and so xiaodidi over there. haha!

2010-09-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

Never trust people too easily, haha! hide a pair of shoes and a few under the table that is not under my section. in the end everything is missing! could have gotten that pair of shoes at only $45 when it worth $189 because of further staff discount. sad case. never mind, kinda fun.

tml will have to revise wat i need to revise during this break. Just realised i got 1 essay to complete, 1 physics paper, and a few little things here and there to complete.
wheeee

2010-09-05T18:20:00.001+08:00

Oh! random pic!
i pwn Lyo and Merly!

2010-09-04T18:16:00.004+08:00

Everyone can do it, its up to how badly you want to get it.
Do i want it? Of course. But are you working towards it? do you spend every single spare second and minute working for it? No? lazy? Precisely, laziness > motivation. its only when you set your mind on it, be determined and persevere, and be self motivated, that's when you will get the result that you wanted.

this is another statement made by myself yet again.
"I try not to waste my one week break away."

From past year experience,
and recent data (march holidays, long weekends, june holidays, prelim study break.)
On a average, i study 1 out of 7 days during breaks.

Let X be the r.v "no. of days that i study (out of 7 days)"
X ~ Bin ( 7 , 1/7)
Find the probability that i will study for more than 4 days for this sept holidays.
P(X > 4) = 1 - P(X < or = 3)
=0.01015005

1.01% ITS EASIER THAN STRIKING TOTO OR 4D
and i will make that happen.

2010-09-01T13:48:00.003+08:00

happy teachers' day!
happy rest day!

209 with P-M-C-E tutors

First time cooking so much at a time, luckily it turned out fine.
There's school tml again zzz. 2 more days, and i hope there will not be alot of holiday lessons.
It's so fast! about 1 more mth to study break and after that its alvls! WHEEE!
AFTER THAT IS PARTY TIME! HEH HEH!

2010-08-30T15:15:00.003+08:00

i was really happy, despite the fact that i try to deny that i stil feel a little for you. After that split second, my heart kind of sank. That moment was as though i have taken an ecstasy. There seem to be some emptiness. Especially after the day i found out about that.

2010-08-29T06:05:00.000+08:00

It's not too much that I am asking for.
Hmm.

2010-08-28T19:35:00.001+08:00

I look into the mirror, i see a cui face.
I've got no choice but to force a smile and say: 'hi, ugly boy =]'

2010-08-28T19:03:00.001+08:00

Freeze that moment
& it's ok to lose this over that.

2010-08-27T12:58:00.004+08:00

searching high and low for it.

i dislike the feeling of losing those small little presents/cards, be it birthday xmas or watsoevea.

i always believe that the person put in quite an amount of effort, even if its just a small card.

sigh.

2010-08-25T12:34:00.001+08:00

interesting. lol

2010-08-24T13:38:00.003+08:00

Now, i am thinking. I am not good enough.
But, i wasnt good at all to start with.

2010-08-24T00:45:00.001+08:00

2010-08-23T17:35:00.001+08:00

sometimes, i think i am just crazy.

2010-08-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

when ure jogging u wont feel that tiring, its only the day after that. I am having body aches right now, GG. Rested for the whole day, but still quite tired.
I still think its kind of crazy to jog at midnight on the 7th Lunar month. However, i am feeling so shuang despite all the aches, probably i was able to have some deep sleep in the morning.

This is random! i just found out.
HEY! = 黑
BYE! = 白

吸鸭 !

2010-08-19T11:12:00.000+08:00

aiya, fuck prelims la.
事事不顺

2010-08-17T16:48:00.002+08:00

i thought that i can survive it without studying much, seems like i am wrong.
not that the paper was hard, probably one of the reason is the wrong choice of question which cause me to waste around 10 mins, and that 10 mins, cause a difference, that 10 marks that i didnt do can be done within that 10 mins.
i don think i will fail, but just disappointed in myself.

I went to guan yin ma temple in the morning, and drew a lot, a bad one. Maybe you may think that its silly, but it is true to a certain extend. You probably have not gone through the eerieness in de javu so many times in your life till to the extend you feel that no matter what you do, its like predetinated, its like all planned,"plots" written down in the imaginary book of my life.
Today is another day that i am so upset with it, is everything i do being decided and controlled by some unexplained force? I don't know. Then it will be a bit meaningless, isnt it.
I "did" this paper 3 twice, once in my dream and once today. I got freaked out 10 mins before the paper ended, only to realised that all these motion scenario is so familiar. I stopped writing for a moment and i turned and look around me, i was stunned and "WTF", totally freaked out, the eerie feeling and fear almost cause to leave immediately, of course i didnt. I finished the paper with dissapointment. It sucks to have this feeling.
And guess what? its so irritating that i donno what to do to stop it and i cant live peacefully with these nonsense going on.

2010-08-16T00:57:00.001+08:00

what the fuck

2010-08-13T23:34:00.004+08:00

should i try? tempted to. if i were to try, it may mean no $$ inflow, but it may kill some time if i not going out with frens, and i wont be so bored. but it will be boring if i cant attend if the outing clashes.
how how?

2010-08-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

its ironic that the character in the game that i m playing is having exams in a week time, and everyday i study before i sleep in the game.

point the gun at ur head and shoot!! whee~

2010-08-11T22:19:00.004+08:00

The rationale of clipping notes to be read through/work to be done up during this week:
To constantly remind myself, even when i just woke up from bed, that there are so many things that i have not revised.

But sadly, its not working. LOL!

2010-08-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

omg, holiday mood. woo~

2010-08-06T21:19:00.005+08:00

Self reminder:

Actually a Pass for all subjects will be enough, i realised that i tend to be very complacent when i get a B or C -.- and thats very bad.

And that's a bookmark given by an econs tchr, i forgot which already. "Learn to forget the tough times, but never forget what they taught you"
With my Statement of Results of 2009 right infront staring at me, i hope i will be scared! lol!

FIGHTING THE WAR FOR >9 DAYS!

all the notes and everything. Don't think will be able to finish all, but will try my best to do as much as i can.
The very first time my room is as such while trying to prepare for an exam.
Hope i can pass all!

2010-08-02T17:25:00.003+08:00

This song is so stuck to my mind, all thanks to my sister outside watching some dvd that kept playing this song.
hahaha old song, but nice eh!

我的天是灰色我的心是蓝色
触摸着你的心竟是透明的

你的悠然自得我却束手无策
我的心痛竟是你的快乐
其实我不想对你恋恋不舍
但什么让我辗转反侧

不觉我说着说着天就亮了
我的唇角尝到一种苦涩

我是真的为你哭了
你是真的随他走了
就在这一刻
全世界伤心角色又多了我一个

我是真的为你爱了
你是真的跟他走了
能给的我全都给了我都舍得
除了让你知道我心如刀割

2010-07-30T22:42:00.001+08:00

Actually, i prefer my fringe to be right-sided than left-sided. I changed earlier this year, and i regret for not switching back after then bangs. i i think i m switching back.

2010-07-30T21:48:00.003+08:00

I want it to be over asap, yet i think i need more time. Maybe, i should start fully utilizing my time. my day is definitely lesser than 24 hours.
Determination & Perseverance, and i lack both of them.

Time really flies, its going to be August already. 7 months have past. Another 3 more months and that's it.
I was looking through the photos again. How happy am i?
Everything is constantly changing, nothing will stay the same.

I am still not doing what i am supposed to do in the first place right?
i think so. how so? Probably its my character and its near impossible to change it. Although i thought i am a step closer, until i realised i am just lying to myself. No doubt, i amstill slightly better than what i was.

2010-07-24T15:43:00.002+08:00

My domokun is a cheerleader! =D

After 2 weeks, i finally started packing my room.
another week had past, 1 more week nearer to freedom!
100 odd days left, warmed up the mood of revision already, but i guess its still not enough,
now that its nearer to prelims, i guess exam stress will push me to prepare for it. i need more stress! =D

2010-07-24T09:10:00.000+08:00

bye

2010-07-23T20:17:00.003+08:00

也许人们都在寻找那一个自己 , 我们到底对自己的了解有多深 ?
每当你开始问自己到底要的是什么，自己到底是怎样的一个人 , 到底有多少对自己说的话是你真的那么认为的呢 ?
仔细的想一想，你是否发现其实你想要的通常都得不到，无论这样东西，看得见或不，摸不摸的着。也许你根本都不知道你到底要的是什么 !
你以为你想要的，只不过是一种自我催眠，你决得那是你应该想要的而告诉了自己那就是事实。可是，你却活在自己的以为。可能你没那么想得到。
你是一个怎样的人，你找的出答案吗 ? 你会不会因为害怕面对，而把真正的自己变成你决的应该是这样的自己 ? 你说的话，可能不是你想说的，可能意思相同，可能应为贪玩而说反话。当你习惯性所谓的说贪玩的话，它渐渐的成为你的一部分。其实你心里想说的根本就不是你所说出的话。
要的，想的，以为自己想要的，都与自己的能力，个性完全不搭。那也能解释，也许在别人眼里，你跟本不是你以为你是的那种人，或者，表面上的你不是真正的你，又或者，那也许是真正的你，你跟本就不是你想的那样。

心有点烦。因为我发现我不知道我要的是什么，我也开始怀疑我对自己的了解。我的人生目标有是什么 ? 我最想要的又是什么 ? 我要的生活是怎样的 ?
我喜欢的女生是怎样的 ? 我好像每天活得不充实 ? 我只是在让时间流逝，等一天一天的过，直到我死的那一天 ? 是这样的吗 ?

2010-07-20T21:57:00.005+08:00

You dont need the whole world to know. He/she will understand it.
You dont need to get the whole world's attention in order to get his/her attention. He/she gives it to you.
if he/she wants to.